Actual Household Conversation

Me: Do you like how I'm storing my earrings now?

Him: Yes. Totally organized.

Me: I KNOW! I think this was my best idea yet. Well, this and graduate school.

How can you mourn for the loss of something that was never really yours in the first place?

Six Word Story

He loved her. Then he didn't.

Six Words

Cameras don't belong at the beach.

Face it. You'll never be tall.

Trust people. They're not so bad.

Life is wonderful and totally weird.

The Difference

Love is the cat who opens the bathroom door while you're in there because he needs to see you RIGHT NOW.

True love is the husband standing 10 feet in front of the bathroom door who pretends not to notice that it's open and then never speaks of it again.

Metamorphosis

Just got an enormous craving for green apple Jolly Ranchers while trying to overcome latest bout of social anxiety. Soon the transformation to my 7th grade self will be complete! (insert maniacal laughter here)

Words of Wisdom

Consumer Reports suggests replacing your mattress after 5 years. Ours is 30 years old, so we will be buying 6 new ones.