The 12th Habit

Sure, Benjamin Franklin may have gotten a lot done, but that's because he didn't have such easy access to movies of babies playing with cats.

My Personal Left-Wing Conspiracy

You know you listen to too much public radio when you meet a professional statistician and you're surprised that her name is something other than Marge Inoverra.

Random Act

Dear Los Angelinos,

I am very sorry you have to endure this weekend's Carmageddon. One of the biggest shocks for me when I moved from Boston to this sprawling suburbia was the absolute necessity of having to drive a car to get anywhere useful.

And, because I am a kind person, I will spare you jokes related to disasters involving pirates (Arrrrrmageddon), Middle Eastern food (Shawarmageddon) and chocolate-coated spun sugar products (Mallomarmageddon).

I do this because I love.

Whew!

Really glad I woke up from that dream. Danny Aiello's birthday was coming, and I was really struggling with what to get him.

The Times

Congratulations, New York, for legalizing gay marriage. You weren't the first to do it, but I'm sure you'll figure out a way to explain that you did it better than everyone else.

Happy

Happy Father's Day to all the dads, grandpas, uncles, male role models and other men who have made a difference in someone's life.

The Very Last Paragraph of My Biography

But her husband was wrong. There WAS, in fact, a dead frog under the plastic bags in the garage. And she never set foot on the first floor of her house again.