Well. . . um. . . hrm

awkward

Struggling not to correct the vet when she refers to you as the cat's "mommy."

AWKWARD

Struggling not to tell the vet that it's much more likely that the cat sees you as his mostly platonic girlfriend.

Numb

Our actions tonight probably saved your life. And it kills me that you'll never forgive us for that.

This will go on my permanent record

Yes, I know this is not an orchid.

I believe I am in the process of killing an orchid. Those of you with a social conscience should report me to whatever authority you deem appropriate.

: (

Sad to report three rescuing-Timmy-from-the-well-related accidents during preview performances of "Lassie: Turn off the Bark."

One Can Only Assume

I had a call from Ontario, Canada on my phone. I missed the call, and they did not leave a voicemail. I'm going to make the logical assumption: that Alan Thicke, Nickelback, and the 1983 cast of "You Can't Do That On Television" gathered together for a conference call to wish me luck with the presentation I'm doing this morning.

Salmon are from Mars. .

I bet the auditory similarity between the phrase "for reals" and the phrase "for eels" has caused many an awkward misunderstanding in the marine community.

Why I Can't Wait to Have Children

Parent 1: What do you want to do today?


Parent 2: I dunno. What do you want to do today?


Parent 1: Movies?


Parent 2: Nah. Nothing good out.


Parent 1: Zoo?


Parent 2: Too hot.


Parent 1: Hey! I know! Do you still have that giant poo ball in the backyard?


Parent 2: Yeah. Why?



(I couldn't decide whether to go with the dialogue or an ad for Ronco "Ball o' Poo.")