Salmon are from Mars. .

I bet the auditory similarity between the phrase "for reals" and the phrase "for eels" has caused many an awkward misunderstanding in the marine community.

Why I Can't Wait to Have Children

Parent 1: What do you want to do today?


Parent 2: I dunno. What do you want to do today?


Parent 1: Movies?


Parent 2: Nah. Nothing good out.


Parent 1: Zoo?


Parent 2: Too hot.


Parent 1: Hey! I know! Do you still have that giant poo ball in the backyard?


Parent 2: Yeah. Why?



(I couldn't decide whether to go with the dialogue or an ad for Ronco "Ball o' Poo.")

I've Had Nothing Yet, So I Can't Take More

The unintended consequences of having one household member who abjectly refuses to watch TV news


Me: Tell me about the Tea Party? What exactly do they stand for? No taxation without representation?

Him: Sort of. .

Me: From the king?

Him: Not exactly. They think government has gotten too big.

Me: They don’t like fat people?

Him: Um. . no.

Me: So, how do they feel about iced tea? Are they ok with that?

Him: Yes, but only in the summer.

Me: How about t-shirts? Do they have an official party line on those?

Him: T-shirts are ok, although they prefer the red, white, or blue variety.

Me: How about Lake Titicaca?

Him: They do not object to Lake Titicaca, but they say there are perfectly fine lakes in America that we should consider first.

Me: T-bone steak?

Him: That’s a fine American cut.

Me: But mostly they really like drinking tea?

Him: Yup. That’s pretty much it (and then he just kind of made a resigned sighing noise)

Sometimes a Cigar

Two days ago, one of the cats left a single poop on the floor of our living room. Spouse and I have both seen it, but I think we're both being stubborn and therefore are both waiting for the other person to pick it up.

If I ever write a novel, I will use this as a metaphor for SOMETHING.

To Sleep, Perchance

I had a dream last night that involved a baby. More specifically, it involved a baby on a roof. And, in defense of my skills as a potential parent, I was able to recognize that this was a bad combination.

Sign of the Times

To discourage drivers from speeding through my neighborhood, one of the neighbors has posted her 8-year old on the lawn in a folding chair, next to a sign that says "Caution: Children at Play." I suppose the "Caution: Children at Sit" sign was insufficiently menacing.

My new favorite sentence on the entire Internet

"Rocco was traveling west on Lincoln Road East in the early morning hours of July 29, 2005, when she collided with a Black Angus bull."