Portrait

ME: I found a picture of me from college!!

HIM: You look so sad.

ME: Well, I was really sad that year.

How To. . . .

Recent find in paper decluttering project: A set of "Fashion Tipes" from one of the 2nd graders in my previous afterschool program. I have left the spelling differences in out of respect for those of you who read fluent second grader.

Fashion Tipes

1. Gold glider dress.

2. Cirl hair.

3. Don't were head-band (note: this explains why I had few dates from 4th - 6th grades)

4. Were highth heals (and this explains 7th grade - adulthood)

5. No hair exesaries. (Seriously, how does my husband even bear to LOOK at me???)

6. Glider showes. (Honestly, I have no idea what this one means)

7. Go next to him real close. (Ok. I actually used to do this one, but I'm sure all of my hair exesaries couldn't overcome the power of this).

8. Try to kiss him. (Sure, Ms. 2nd Grade Smartypants, but YOU don't have to worry about sexual harassment suits).


On the B-side of the paper, there are "Mack Up Tipes"

1. White bloush.

2. Purpple eye shadow.

3. Try to dance with him. (not technically a Mack Up Tipe, but who am I to argue semantics with a 7-year old)

4. Ackt prity. (and thus legions of expired feminists roll over in their graves)

5. White blush all over your face (note the dual emphasis on the white blush / bloush. Obviously, men are into kabuki artists)

6. Try to do the walts.

7. Do love (!)

8. Dance slowly.

And there ya go. For those of you who are female and still single, I hope you find this handy. Also, according to the bottom of the page, Maya hearts Fernando. I just thought you should know.