Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Have camera, will drive irresponsibly (note to insurance agencies: I'm just kidding)

Because I'm earning a living as a mystery shopper and because no one has constructed a shopping mall in my house (believe me, I've checked. There is not so much as a Sbarro's), I've been driving a lot. I often have to bring a digital camera so that I can photograph things like landscaping, signage, and restrooms (yeah, let's just not speak about that, ok?).
Since I've been photographing too many restrooms to be profound lately, I thought I would show off some of the highlights of my week so far. . . .

This little guy was on the grass next to the road. He was 80 feet long. I think he asked to be directed towards Tokyo, although it was hard to understand him with his mouth so full of pedestrian. Actually, he was only (only) about 3 1/2 feet long. And he was asking about New York.

Ah, back to school time, when we all show off our new fall wardrobes. This comes from the *Raiden collection at Sears. I wanted to take a picture of him from the front, but that would have required me to turn my body backwards while driving forwards, which I'm not legally allowed to do until I've lived in Florida for at least 5 more years. Also, I was afraid that if he saw me, he would decapitate me with his **magic hat. Total fatality.

(* and ** were both Mortal Kombat references. If you don't get them, congratulations, you either have a life or are younger than I am).

Oh, and yes. That Jamaican restaurant is really called "Nice Mon."

Nice, but I bet they're not real.

When I was little, I had a doll that peed when you squeezed her. Not all children were that lucky.

Flower of the World. Now accepting reservations for February 14, 2026.

This car was in back of me while we were in the merge lane, merging onto I-95. And then he decided that he wanted to be next to me. In the one and only merge lane. Merging onto I-95. At 65 miles per hour. And then he got about 3/4 of the way in front of me (single lane, high speed, righteous indignation, etcetera, etcetera). And then he stopped, nearly running me off the road to avoid him. We could have had an accident. Luckily, we didn't. That would have totally interrupted his phone conversation.

There is nothing I could say here that does not make me seem like a completely awful human being. Believe me, I've tried. Ok, here's one. . .if you were eating while reading this post, I'm very, very sorry.
Nope, I'm still horrible. Sorry.

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